is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
