your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
