I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
