Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
