you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
