you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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