You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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