They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
