The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
