My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Randomize
