Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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