Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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