News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
