Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
