yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
