My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
