He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
