you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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