I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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