I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
