Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
