So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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