Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
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i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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