I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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