dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
