youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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