Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Rumble strips road head = magical
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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