Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
