me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
