Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
