Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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