Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
