I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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