Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
