I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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