Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
