i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
