Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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