I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
