no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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