Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We have so much sex to catch up on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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