he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
