the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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