It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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