Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
