Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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