He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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