i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize