so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
