Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
