You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
