so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
