Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize