by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
