I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
