I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
