so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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