im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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