Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
