I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
