I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
