He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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