She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
