How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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