i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
