we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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