Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
