Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
