Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
