Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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