I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
40s are totally the cure
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
