Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
