Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His nipple licking is glorious
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