I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
