drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
